Jerry McPhee 2
by emeralddusk
Summary: The Russos go to Hogwartz.


Wizards of Waverly Place

Jerry McPhee 2

_It had been seven months since the events of Jerry McPhee. It was an ordinary day in Waverly Place, and the Russos were sitting casually in their loft/kitchen. Little did they know that today would change their lives forever._

As they sat in the loft, Justin came in carrying an envelope, with an excited look on his face. "Guys, I have the best news!" Yelled Justin.

"Alex is dead?" Asked Theresa.

"Thanks, mother." Said Alex.

"No, I just go a letter. We've all been invited to study magic at Hogwartz!"

"That's great!" Said Jerry. "Where is that?"

"It's in London. The train leaves tomorrow." Answered Justin.

"How do we get to London on a train?" Asked Max.

"Duh, it's a magic train." Retorted Alex.

"No it's a regular train. I don't know how it's getting there." Said Justin.

"It doesn't matter, we're going to Hogwartz!" Said Theresa.

"Let's celebrate with cheese!" Said Jerry.

"Okay." Said Alex.

"No!" Yelled Justin.

"Go ahead it's a special day." Said Theresa.

"Whatever." Said Jerry.

The next day, the Russos were busily readying their bags to leave for London. "Okay, I'm ready!" Said Alex.

"Wow, that's a lot of trunks." Said Justin.

"Well we are going to be there a year." Said Alex.

"A year? I put a roast in for tonight." Said Theresa.

"What'd you think we were going to take a train to London, go to school for a day and come home?" Asked Justin.

"Ya, I figured all of this was too good to be true." Said Theresa.

"Well nothing is going to ruin this. When life hands you something this good, it can't be so cruel as to take it away." Said Jerry.

"I'm all packed." Said Max carrying three small bags, smaller than the palm of his hand.

"Wow, those must be magic bags that shrink super small." Said Theresa.

"Ha, that's a good idea." Said Max.

"Then what's in those bags?" Asked Justin.

"Well certainly not the new ipad. That things so big, it wouldn't fit in this house." Said Jerry.  
"Come on, our cab is here. Jerry, grab one of my huge trunks." Said Alex.

"Sure, I'll get it, for $100,000." Said Jerry.

"I'll give you three dollars now and the rest in the cab." Said Alex.

"This is play money." Said Jerry,

"Ha you can use it to get into stage productions." Said Theresa.

"Mom you're so stupid." Said Max. "Wow, these tiny bags are too heavy. Justin, here's $100,000 to carry my bags."

"Ha, 100,000, per bag." Said Justin.

"Maybe I can get dad to do it cheaper. Dad?"

"Sorry, 100. I bargain with you, Alex will want it too." Said Jerry.

"Fine, here."

"Thanks." Said Jerry.

"Are we going or what?" Asked Theresa.

"Mom, carry your bags for just 50,000." Said Justin.

"Fine, got, three bags, and a make-up case."

"Doesn't matter. Same price for all carry ons." Said Justin.

"You're the worst son ever." Said Theresa giving Justin $200,000.

"Come on!" Yelled Jerry.

"Coming you jerk." Said Alex.

"Ha, insult me, the price doubles." Said Jerry.

"Sorry sir!" Yelled Alex.

At the train station, the Russos were checking in. "Train #4 to London." Said Jerry.

"Right that way." Said the ticket taker.

"How much would you pay to have your bags carried?" Asked Theresa.

"I wouldn't. I'd have my family do it." Said the man.

"Man, this family sucks." Said Alex.

"It sure does." Said Theresa putting her gum on Alex's hair.

"I get the window seat." Said Jerry.

"But I want the window seat." Said Alex.

"Fine, $200,000." Said Jerry.

"$200,000?" Said Alex.

"Ha, the bags were just to the cab. This is all the way to London."

"Fine, here." Said Alex giving him $400,000. "I want it on the way back too."

"We'll see." Said Jerry.

"Let's get on that train!" Said Max as he fell on the ground.

"Justin, help him up." Said Theresa.

"Sure, for $300,000."

"What?"

"The bags were just luggage, this is your son."

"I won't pay it!"

"You can help him up."

"Let's just leave him here." Said Alex.

No! We won't be able to write him off on our taxes!" Yelled Jerry.

"We won't be able to write off $300,000." Said Theresa.

"We can't leave him on the floor!" Yelled Justin.

"Who are you, the ACLU?" Asked Jerry.

"Not yet, but when I am I'm comin' after yer sorry ass." Said Justin.

"Get him up!" Yelled Theresa.

"$300,000!" Yelled Justin.

"Fine, here."

"Thank you." Said Justin.

"I'm up." Said Max getting up.

"Man!" Said Theresa smoking pot.

In London, the train had just come out of the water, and all of the windows were shattered. "What idiot came up with an underwater train!" Yelled Alex.

"Nobody, this is an ordinary train." Said Justin.

"I'm all wet! I hate being wet!" Yelled Theresa.

"Wow, and I have the last towel." Said Jerry.

"Jerry, I will give you a thousand dollars for that towel." Said Theresa.

"A thousand dollars?" Asked Max.

"I, hate being wet!" Yelled Theresa.

"Fine, here you go." Said Jerry throwing the towel and taking the money.

"This towel is wet." Said Theresa.

"Ya, the train was underwater, wet." Said Jerry.

"Why aren't you wet?" Asked Theresa.

"Because I use, ultra dry, the new anti-perspirent that keeps you dry up to a thousand feet under water." Said Jerry.

"How much did you pay for that?" Asked Justin.

"Nothing, I invented it." Said Jerry.

"And it works?" Asked Alex.

"Ya, except for it increases your perspiration rate, 200 fold." Said Jerry. "But it shields your skin from any amount of water. Makes a layer of integument on your skin."

"What if you want to take a shower?" Asked Max.

"No problem, I'll put a note in the bottle, always shower before use." Said Jerry.

"What if you want to get a drink?" Asked Justin.

"I'll put in another note, always drink before use."

"How long does it last?" Asked Theresa.

"Not sure, I put it on four days ago and it still works. Ha, put that on the bottle, long lasting. People will eat it up, but not literally. If you eat it, it absorbs all of the water and blood in your body! I should put that on the bottle, if there's any room." Said Jerry.

"Ha, there's our cab to Hogwartz." Said Alex.

A pickup truck then pulled up. "Who wants a ride?" Asked the man.

"Me!" Said Justin and Jerry at the same time.

"Great get in." Said the man.

"Ha, us to." Said Theresa.

"I guess I can get you in the trunk, for $30,000. Each."

"30,000?" Asked Theresa.

"Pay it mom!" Yelled Max.

"Fine, here." Said Theresa.

"Great, get in." Said the man.

"They're all in." Said Justin.

"Great, ha!" Yelled the man driving. Max fell off the truck.

At Hogwartz, everyone was standing in wonder. This place is huge!" Said Jerry.

"Wonder how much it cost to build." Pondered Theresa.

"Nothing, I built it." Said Dumbledore.

"This is a nice place, hope you built the inside to." Said Justin.

"Ha, that's the hundredth time I've been asked that, and this is the fourtheenth time I've been able to say, of course I built the inside you nimrods!" Yelled Dumbledore.

"Can we go in now?" Asked Alex.

"Sure, for $50,000." Said Dumbledore

"50,000?" Asked Alex.

"Each."

"But this was fr..."

"Just pay it!" Yelled Max.

"Fine, here." Said Alex.

"Awesome, wa na na!" Yelled Dumbledore as he played his electric guitar very bady.

"What a loser." Said Theresa. Dumbledore then busted the guitar on her head. "I'm sorry."

Inside, they looked at the huge, magical walls. "Whoa!" Said Jerry.

"Hi, I'm Harry Potter."

"Great bell hop, carry our bags." Said Alex.

"Alex, he's not a bell hop. He's Harry Potter." Said Justin.

"No I'll do it. For $50,000."

"Fine, Theresa pay." Said Jerry.

"Here, keep the change."

"Don't have to tell me." Said Harry.

"Where are you rooms?" Asked Max.

"I'll tell you where they're gonna be." Said Harry.

"Harry don't be so rude, hi, I'm Hermoine."

"Wow, you're hot." Said Max.

"I guess." Said Justin.

"Why thank you. But I don't date strangers."

"Ya she does, she's loose. Her real name is Whormoine, and she wears leather under all of her clothes, even in a swinsuit." Said Harry.

"Why do you have to tell everybody?" She asked.

"Ha can you help us find our room Whorry?" Asked Jerry.

"Right this way." Said Whormoine.

In the rooms, the Russos were sitting around. "Something's weird about this place." Said Justin.

"Ya, look at this view, usually we get a room that looks out over the slums, even on boats." Said Theresa.

"We've never been on a boat." Said Jerry.

"I was guessing." Said Theresa.

"Come on, we have class in five minutes." Said Max.

"Don't sweat it. We'll just zap ourselves there." Said Alex.

"If you zap yourself somewhere your clothes stay behind." Said Justin.

"So?" Asked Alex.

"Wish I knew that when I went to the Super Bowl." Said Jerry. "When I zapped your mother there."

"Moron." Said Theresa.

In the class room, fourty minutes later, the Russos walked in. "You're late!" Yelled Professor Slughorn, shooting lighting at them.

"Ah!" Yelled all of them.

"Painful isn't it." Said Slughorn.

"No, I was just reading the prices in this catalog, look how low they are." Said Jerry.

"Hu, Ah!" Yelled Slughorn.

"What are we gonna do?" Asked Justin.

"Make this box into a lamp." He answered.

"This is a lamp." Said Jerry waving his hand over Slughorn's face.

"Very good Jerry!" He said.

"Woo!" Said Alex.

"Shut up Alex." Said Theresa.

"Sure, for $40,000." Said Alex.

"It's worth every penny." Said Theresa giving her the money.

"Could've done that with a mallot." Said Max.

"Who wants cinnamon rolls?" Asked Slughorn pulling rolls out of the oven.

"What's magical about that?" Asked Justin.

"Shut up!" Yelled Jerry.

"I love cinnamon rolls." Said Voldemort.

"Ah! It's Voldemort!" Yelled Justin.

"That's right, and I'm here to kill you, Harry Potter."

"Uh oh." Said Harry.

"He is not Harry Potter." Said Justin waving his hands infront of his face.

"I'm sorry." Said Voldemort.

"But she is." Said Alex pointing at Whormoine.

"Am no..." Started Whormoine before Voldemort killed her.

"He's mad!" Yelled Slughorn as Voldemort shot lighting at them.

"Ah!" Yelled everyone as he shot and the army came in and started shooting.

"What's going on?" Asked Alex.

"Life took it away." Said Justin.

"Life's a bitch." Said Jerry.

"Well we're not going to take this!" Said Max.

"Ya, I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Yelled Theresa. The Russos then took out their wands and killed the entire U.S army.

"You may have defeated my evil minions, but this school is going to explode in thirty seconds. Ha ha." Said Voldemort.

"Run!" Yelled Jerry. The Russos then ran for the exit.

"Wait, I can help you." Said Harry. "Help you to die!" He said as he shot and killed Max.

"Noo!" Yelled Jerry sadly as he pulled out a pistol and shot a bunch of people, including Harry and Alex. "Now hurry!"

The three them ran fast for the exit. "Jerry, we'll never make it!" Yelled Theresa.

"Ya we will, just belie..." Said Jerry as the school exploded.

"Ah!" Yelled Justin as he jumped out.

"Jerry, help me!" Yelled Theresa running.

"Sure, for $50,000."

"50,000, it's me."

"Sorry, $30,000."

"Fine, hold on." Said Theresa as she stopped, got out her purse, and was swallowed my flame.

"Ouch!" Said Justin. "At least we made..." Said Justin as a flaming piece of rubble. "Ow! My back!"

"Come on Justin, we'll get help on the train." Said Jerry.

Back in New York, Justin had drowned on the train, and Jerry came out, completely dry. "That's the power of super anit-perspirent!" Said Jerry.

"Sure is!" Said Harry as he threw down a bomb and blew up the station.

**THE END**


End file.
